What the Historians Hid
by ThuhJesheekuh
Summary: If you've played the games you know the scenes... or do you? This is what the historians edited out of the history books. Status: Retired.
1. Closing Credits

What the Historians Hid (rated PG)  
  
The Final Battle  
  
Okays, just so everybody's clear: this whole thing is a favor to the Goddesses. They asked me to tell the world what really happened because they were sick of Link getting all the credit for everything. You get it? It wasn't him! He's the Gilderoy Lockhart of LOZ- 'cept with much sexier hair. BTW: did I happen to mention that I'm Selphie, overlord of birds, Brownies, and socks? The authoress? The all-powerful? The ALPHA!? THE OMEGA, BABY?!?!  
  
Din: Pardon?  
  
Nayru: Did she just say-  
  
Farore: What we think she just said?  
  
Straight up!  
  
Din: We gave you the power.  
  
Nayru: We giveth-  
  
Farore: We taketh away.  
  
iCallate, zorras putas/i! (Heh. The beauty is they don't understand Spanish...! Me encanta Espanol! :P BTW: if anyone knows how to use Alt codes on a laptop inform me immediately... IMMEDIATELY!!!) You no likey it, you can smite me right here, right now! Ya hear me?! SMITE ME, OH, MIGHTY SMITERS!!!  
  
Goddesses: *sends lightning bolt*  
  
*Makes it miss... with my mind ^_^* (Heh... Telekinesis rules!)  
  
Din: Curse you, Mir!  
  
Nayru: Hey! You sound like Ganondorf.  
  
Farore: Gasp!  
  
Din: The heck are you talking about...?  
  
Nayru: Oh, yeah. That's not what he actually said!  
  
Din: And that is why we asked Selphie to set the record straight.  
  
Farore: o_o Do you realize you just gave away part of the story?  
  
Din and Nayru: Wha-? Oh, crapola cola!  
  
Which is why /i the freaking authoress and /i are the power behind the pen.  
  
Goddesses: ^_^  
  
(At least until I get Mir out of that void heheheh) Kudos to anyone who reads this, and I promise that I will continue setting the record straight until all know what really happened. Review so that I know I'm getting through to you, and so that I will feel special. If I don't feel special I will be forced to send my birds, Brownies, or socks to make your life a living heck! But if I do feel special, I will right one of those weird fanfics where weird and random stuff happens to the poor defenseless people of Hyrule and authors and reviewers appears in big clouds of smoke or the backs of flying monkeys. Now read. Read! READ, I COMMAND YE...!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I own none of these charas, unless this is a dream, which I doubt because it's only 3:33 AM. The only chara I own is Selphie, me, /i, /i, myself, which makes all the sense in the world. *Cow floats by* Heh heh. Telekinesis rocks.  
  
~*`'*~  
  
Link finally arrives, huffing and puffing madly, at the top of the tower.  
  
"I'll huff, and I'll puff, and- oh, wait, wrong story," Link says. He approaches the door, thoroughly winded and attempts to open it. It won't open.  
  
"You have to unlock it, Link," Navi says, hovering behind him.  
  
"What are you talking about? There's no lock on this door," Link says.  
  
"And what do you call that big gold thing on the door?!" Navi growls.  
  
"Why are you being so mean all of a sudden-? Oh, hell, you forgot your bipolar medication!" Link exclaims.  
  
"Get out your freaking key!" Navi instructs him angrily. He takes out a small silver key. "That's a small key," Navi says.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"It's a boss lock!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You need the boss key!"  
  
"The what?"  
  
"The boss key, nitwit!"  
  
"Ooh! The big gold key with the horns and eyes and stuff?!"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"The one that comes in the big blue and yellow chest?!"  
  
"/i!"  
  
"...I was supposed to open that?"  
  
"YES!!!!"  
  
"...Oh..."  
  
Link turns around and bounds down the stairs muttering under his breath, "Damn, damn, damn, damn..." Several hours later he returns, huffing and puffing again, now carrying the giant gold key. "I return victorious!" He approaches the door and tries to put the key in. It won't go. "What the-?"  
  
"Let me see that," Navi says. She flies over to the key and stares long and hard at it. "Link... this is the boss key to the shadow temple!"  
  
"I know," Link says.  
  
"You ran all the way to the Shadow Temple?"  
  
"I got the key didn't I?"  
  
"WE NEED THE KEY FOR GANON'S TOWER!!!"  
  
"There's a difference?"  
  
"No crap, Sherlock!"  
  
"But where's this key?"  
  
"Remember the room with the bright red fire?"  
  
"Around the pretty blue and yellow chest?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Was there another door in there?"  
  
"No, the key is in there."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You remember the boss keys come in the blue and yellow chests?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"There's a blue and yellow chest in that room."  
  
"...I'm still lost, Navi."  
  
"YEEEAAARRGGHH!!!!!!" Navi grabs Link by his pointy ear and drags him, screaming down the steps to the room with the blue and yellow chest. "Open it," she commands. He opens it. "Get the key." He gets the key. Link starts to leave again, in the wrong direction, wouldn't ya know, when Navi stops him, "Link, get back here."  
  
He nervously returns. "Yes?"  
  
"Put it in there," Navi instructs. He puts the key back. "No, you know what I mean." Link takes the key out and puts his head inside, cringing. Navi flies to the lid of the chest and slams it down on his skull. Then she releases a fairy to heal him.  
  
As they return to the top of the tower, Link says, "You know, it's stuff like that that probably makes me so slow."  
  
"At least you're aware of your stupidity," Navi says, as Link finally opens the door. Once they are inside, the door slams shut. "Hey, the door slammed shut! That means something's gonna happen! If only I could remember what it was..." Link trails off.  
  
"It means there's a big battle about to start," Navi tells him.  
  
"Hey! You nice again!" Link says happily. "But how I going to fight the man with red hair when he's playing piano?"  
  
The music abruptly ends. "Do you know how close I was to playing that thing through without any mistakes?" Ganondorf says slowly and menacingly.  
  
"I thought it was getting pretty good," Zelda says from in her pink crystal- thingy.  
  
"Hey, you supposed to be on our side!" Link exclaims.  
  
"Enough!" Ganondorf shouts. "These toys are too much for you freaking children! I command you to give the damn things to me!" He sends out a lot of energy crap that Link can hardly stand up in.  
  
"Link! Because of the dark energy I can't get near you!" Navi shouts.  
  
"That's a bald-faced lie!" Link yells.  
  
"Hey! You're smarter than I thought!" Navi says.  
  
"Hey!" Link cried indignantly.  
  
"Well, you usually act like an-!" Ganon, Navi, and Zelda's eyes go wide, and the dark energy coming from Ganon stops. Link, unaware of what has happened draws his sword ready to attack.  
  
"Are you ready to surrender your control of this land once and for all, Ganondorf?" Link asks.  
  
"*Snicker*. No- *Snicker*," Ganondorf answers. The other two begin snickering as well.  
  
"Then prepare to-!" Link has been just about to attack Ganondorf when the evil dude cracks up laughing. "For the love of Nayru, what the hell is your problem?" Ganon cannot answer for he is too preoccupied with laughing all the air out of his lungs. "Damn it, Ganon! Will you stop laughing for one second and fight me?!" The other two crack up as well now. "Will somebody please tell me what is going-?" Link catches his reflection in a window nearby. "Oh, my..."  
  
His hat had flown off his head.  
  
"Uh... One moment please," he says, drowned out by everyone else's wild laughter. He picks up his hat and jams it down on his head. "Are you ready now?" Ganon abruptly stops laughing.  
  
"YES!!!" he shouts as he pounds the ground, making the floor fall out from beneath Link.  
  
"Oh, that was screwed!" Link screams as he falls to the level below. "Ouch, that smarts..." He climbs back up to the battle and fights Ganondorf, who eventually kind of dies. Zelda floats down.  
  
"Took you long enough..." she mutters. "Ganondorf, pathetic retard. About time the goddesses got rid of the stupid evil idiot-!" The tower starts to shake.  
  
"Hey! Race you to the bottom!" Link says.  
  
"What are you talking about?!" Zelda exclaims. "This tower's about to collapse and you wanna- out of my way!" She shoves Link out of her way and gets a huge head start.  
  
"Oh! She did not!" Link grumbles sprinting after her. As if to irk him even more, Zelda stops at every door and waits for him. Finally they get to the Stalfos room and Zelda is caught in a ring of fire while Link has to fight the giant skeletons.  
  
"Me like killing things!" Link says when he's done.  
  
"Let's just go," Zelda instructs him. They finally make it to the last obstacle: the bridge, where a re-dead is waiting for them.  
  
"AAAAAAHHH!!!!!! MOMMY!!!!" Link screams when he sees the zombie. He curls into a fetal position and starts sucking his thumb.  
  
"What's your problem?" Zelda asks, hand on her hip.  
  
"Bad memo-wees," Link answers.  
  
"Oh, come on, you moron," Zelda says, dragging him by his collar all the way across the bridge. Once on the other side of the door Link stands up again and they sprint up the steps.  
  
Outside Zelda yells, "HA!! I WIN!!!"  
  
"Best two out of three!" Link shouts.  
  
"...Are you kidding me?"  
  
The whole tower collapses. "Link! I'm back! And I promise I won't abandon you anymore!" Navi says as she floats down to Link and Zelda.  
  
"Okay- wait a second! I didn't even realize you'd left me," Link says.  
  
"You didn't notice I was gone? That doesn't make me happy," Navi says.  
  
"Oh, damn, she still hasn't taken her medication..." They hear a noise from the pile of rubble that is Ganon's castle. "I guess I'll go see what that is."  
  
Link starts to walk over to the big pile of debris. Before Navi can follow, Ganondorf bursts from the wreckage. Something hits Navi and she gets knocked out. Flames appear around the whole battlefield. Ganondorf is breathing heavily and has a twisted smirk across his face. He shows everyone his Triforce piece and then turns into a huge ugly monster with huge twin swords, which he waves around madly, knocking the Master Sword out of Link's hands. It flies over toward Zelda but misses and falls over the edge. Fortunately, everything that falls into an abyss reappears a few seconds later where it fell off.  
  
Link is about to start fighting with his big Goron sword, but Navi has suddenly awoken, bipolarity in full force.  
  
"That's it you damn freaking retard! I've had enough of you!" she screams. "YEEEEAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!" She flies at Ganondorf from all directions, beating and pummeling him over and over again.  
  
"THE PAIN!!!! HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??!!" Ganondorf screams. "NO! ANYWHERE BUT THERE! STAY AWAY FROM-!!! Oh, dear..."  
  
Navi now starts beating him with her new "weapon." Pretty soon, Ganondorf cannot even stand. Navi now having vented her rage returns to being the calm annoying light bulb.  
  
"Link! You have to deliver the final blow with your master sword!" Zelda calls to him. Link, for lack of anything else to do, pokes Ganon in the nose. Zelda, also at a loss for something to do, calls on the sages to send Ganondorf to the evil realm.  
  
"Yes! Yes! I'm free! I'm free! You can't touch me here, man! I'm untouchable! Joy, joy, joy, joy..." he repeats. A lightning bolt suddenly comes out of nowhere, followed by brightly colored confetti and disappears as it hits the entrance to the weird tunnely portal thingy that Ganon's falling through. "HA! I'm even safe from master! Master cannot touch me! I /i free! Free! Free! Free, free, free, free, joy, joy, joy, joy..." he mumbles senselessly into infinity (little sideways 8 thingy for those of you who are math geeks like me ^_^).  
  
Zelda, Link, and Navi are now floating up in the clouds somewhere. "Hey, how can we be floating up here?" Link asks.  
  
"I dunno, I'm not doing anything," Zelda answers. They both shrug their shoulders. "All right, well time to send you back in time so that nothing will make sense anymore. Gimme the ocarina."  
  
Link hands her the ocarina saying, "Yeah! Confusing people is almost as much fun as killing them! Speaking of which... I suddenly feel the need to kill... Hmm?" He looks over at Zelda. Her eyes go wide and she immediately puts the ocarina to her lips and hurriedly plays the song.  
  
Lots of lights, blah, blah, blah. Somehow everyone in Hyrule found out about Ganon going bye-bye. So they're all at LonLon ranch.  
  
"Hey! Goron!" a Gerudo yells to the huge Goron dancing near the Gerudos. "If you keep dancing like that, we'll have more immediate problems with extinction than Ganondorf being unable to create life!"  
  
"Oh, sorry!" the Goron says, and sits down on all of the Gerudos.  
  
Meanwhile, Talon and Ingo are swinging around with arms around each other's shoulder. Obviously they are drunk.  
  
"I hate your guts!" Ingo says merrily to Talon.  
  
"And I hate yours!" Talon answers happily.  
  
Somewhere else Mido and King Zora are sitting alone together.  
  
"No one likes me because I fart too much..." King Zora says.  
  
"No one likes me because I'm mean, King Farts-a-lot!" Mido answers. "That's why we're sitting by ourselves."  
  
"Because you're mean?"  
  
"No, because you smell so bad! No one wants to smell the horrible reeking stench of your farts! In fact, that's why Jabu-Jabu died! Being stuck behind your smelly ass all the time caused him to suffocate to death!"  
  
"...You're right. You are mean... Excuse me..."  
  
"SWEET HOLY HECK!!!" Mido stands up to escape the stench. "FRESH...AIR!!!!" Suddenly the air is filled with blue and green lights. "OH, NO!! I'M SUFFOCATING TOO!!!! THEY'RE HERE TO TAKE ME TO HEAVEN!!!"  
  
"Not likely..."  
  
Those lights were really Ruto and Saria. They go to the top of Death Mountain with Impa, Darunia, and Nabooru and look absently into the stars.  
  
"Why are we up here?" Saria asks from Darunia's shoulders.  
  
"Shush! Keep looking!" Darunia says. About twenty seconds later they see Zelda, Link, and Navi hovering in the sky.  
  
"Hah!!!! I win the bet! Pay up, Impa!" Darunia hollers.  
  
"What are you talking about? That's clearly... something else!" Impa exclaims.  
  
"No way! That's them! Now pay up! You bet me fifty rupees that Link, Zelda, and Navi wouldn't show up up there!" Darunia says.  
  
"Fine! You big gorilla..." She gives him the fifty rupees.  
  
Finally, everything goes back in time and Link is laying the Master Sword to rest. "Yay! Confusing!" Link says.  
  
"All right, Link! Bye, I'm off to hide from everyone until a little time traveling girl gets her soul taken away in the future and your reincarnation wants to save her (see LOZ: tome of lineage when it makes it to the site ;P)"  
  
Navi flies off leaving Link to go see Zelda again and start the whole confusing process all over again.  
  
Happy End  
  
~*`'*~  
  
So, I believe that constitutes a bit of praise... from someone... anyone... anyone at all?!  
  
Tingle: I thought it was wonderful!  
  
o_O  
  
Goddesses: o_O The hell-?!?  
  
Din: Why're you here?!  
  
Tingle: I exist through all time! Didn't you wonder how I appeared in both Majora's Mask AND Wind Waker even though they're hundreds of years apart?  
  
Nayru: You don't exist through ALL time. You were only thirty-something in Majora's Mask.  
  
Farore: Only gods and time travelers, like Selphie, exist through all time.  
  
^_^  
  
Tingle: *evilly* Believe what you will! There are others that can survive time itself. *blissfully*Like fairies! Which is why I do so exist through all time!  
  
You believe that. It makes no difference. Soon... they will know. Oh, they will know- they- /i- THEY WILL KNOW!  
  
Tingle: Tingle Tingle Kooloo Limpah! *disappears*  
  
Wow. I didn't know that had any purpose but to annoy the crap out of everyone. Anywho, just so you all know, I failed to mention that besides being overlord of birds, Brownies, and socks, I have powerful allies. You might be introduced to them later, but for now, all you need to know is that I am friends with the lord of cows, which includes the Zora hybrid cows, and the ruler of the monkeys.  
  
And let it be known that we, the birds and monkeys, together control the flying monkeys. We merely loaned them to WWW (Wicked Witch of the West) for temporary use and for field-testing.  
  
Also know that I have under my employment the greatest general ever leading the cuccos. So if you don't review, and you happen to hear the flying monkey theme, or plain old monkeys, or a moo, or a cucco crow outside, I suggest you lock your windows and doors and grab whatever tool of defense you have. Not that it will do you much good. -_- *WWW laugh* 


	2. Right Before the Opening of OoT

Hullos. It's me again, Selphie, lord of birds, Brownies, and socks. I've been home sick for the past few days, so I got a chance to set another part of history straight.  
  
Din: Oh, so that's how it is?  
  
Nayru: I guess we're not very high on her list of priorities, are we?  
  
Farore: Had to wait until she was puking up all the contents of her stomach before we reached the top of her list, did we?  
  
Y'know what? Plart you all.  
  
Goddesses: -_- *sends a lightning bolt*  
  
*rolls eyes and makes it miss with my mind* I thought we established this already...?  
  
Din (mutter): Dammit, Mir!  
  
I'm sorry. We've got work to do. I'll try to be nice.  
  
Goddesses: ^_^  
  
(Heh heh. Man, I can't wait till I get Mir out of that void. Ooh, that'll be wonderful ^-^) Anywho! I don't think you came to witness me and my very courageous, wise, powerful, and good friends, the goddesses.  
  
Goddesses: ^_^  
  
(Or suck up to their prima donna asses) You came to find out what really happened in Hyrule's history. Here is the next installment of What the Historians Hid!  
  
((Disclaimer: I don't own anything Zelda-fied, it all belongs to Nintendo, no matter how often I wish upon a star.))  
  
Din: Maybe because the star you keep wishing on-  
  
Nayru: Isn't actually a star, but a spaceship-  
  
Farore: Filled with cow-abducting aliens.  
  
O_o? You mean the one that took Romani if you didn't protect her in Majora's Mask?  
  
Goddesses: Mm hmm.  
  
o_o; Okay, well, on with the fic.  
  
~*`'*~  
  
The Great Deku Tree was bored. All was calm in the Kokiri Forest. It had been years since anything of great importance happened. Sure, there was the dopey little Hylian boy he got stuck with. "What's his name?" he thought. "Oh, yeah! Link! Ow!"  
  
He was just reminded of a pain in one of his branches. Navi had beaten him up pretty bad the other day. Something had slightly miffed her and no one had gone to the potion shop to refill her bipolar medication. Maybe because no one there was able to leave the forest to go to the potion shop. They needed to find a way to contain her when she was in one of her bad moods.  
  
One time the shopkeeper tried putting her in a bottle. The result was disastrous and his growth was now permanently stunted, causing him to have to hop up and down behind the counter just to be kind of seen. Another time the girl above the shop's entrance tried tying Navi up, but Navi started flying all around the forest, the girl still holding onto the rope she had tied to the fairy and flying around behind her. Finally Navi dropped her on the overhang above the shop's door and the girl has been too scared to come down since. That was why Navi didn't have a Kokiri: all of the children were too afraid of her and paired up with another fairy before they got stuck with her. So now, instead, the Great Deku Tree was stuck with her.  
  
Evening was beginning to fall. The Kokiri would be going to bed soon, leaving the Deku Tree with no one who would hear if Navi lost it again.  
  
Not that anyone would be too anxious to help at this point.  
  
Suddenly, out of nowhere came a soft clinking of metal on metal. It sounded like armor. Sure enough, striding down the path was a tall dude with dark skin and red hair in black armor *** (three guesses who)  
  
Eddy: Money?!  
  
Edd: Oh, it must be an antagonist or villain of some kind doing all kinds of evil, iniquity, and malevolence-!  
  
Ed: Buttered toast?  
  
-_- *** Ganondorf stepped out of the shadows. "Can I help you?" the Great Deku Tree (GDT) asked. Ganondorf said nothing. "Do you need something?" Ganondorf said nothing. "Hello? What the hell are you doing here?!"  
  
"Oh, me?" Ganondorf answered finally.  
  
"No crap, Sherlock," GDT muttered. They waited a few minutes. "Well?"  
  
"Oh! Uh... what was the question again?" Ganondorf asked.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"Oh, that's right! Uh...," Ganondorf takes off his massive black glove and squints at his hand. "Damn! Most of it sweated off!" he muttered.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Uh, hold on," Ganondorf said, looking up and holding up one finger from the still gloved hand. He squinted down at the words he'd written on his palm to help himself remember. "G-Gi- Give me a sp- spear and a s- tone- stone and I- I will s- suff- suffer. Suffer. Give me a spear and a stone and I will suffer!" he commanded.  
  
GDT stared at him for a moment. "Don't you mean, 'Or I will suffer?"  
  
Ganondorf thought for a moment. "Hmm... That does look kind of like an 'or' rather than an 'an.' ...Hmm," he mused. "All right we'll try it that way! Give me a spear and a stone or I will suffer!"  
  
"Big deal," GDT said.  
  
"What do you mean, 'Big deal?!'" Ganondorf exclaimed.  
  
"I mean, big deal. I don't know you. I don't care if you suffer. You can crawl into the Lost Woods and turn into a skull kid for all I care."  
  
"...So, you won't give me the stick and the stone?"  
  
"Nah."  
  
Ganondorf thought for a moment. "What if I traded you for it?" he asked.  
  
"And what would you give me? I'M A FREAKING TREE!"  
  
"Would you like Miracle Grow?"  
  
"Show me the Miracle Grow and I'll consider."  
  
"...Oh..." Ganondorf turns around and starts back down the trail he came from. Suddenly, "AIYEEEEE!!!"  
  
"The hell do you think you're doing?" a mean boy's voice said.  
  
"Going to get Miracle Grow?" Ganondorf's voice answered timidly.  
  
"And why are you getting Miracle Grow?" the mean boy's voice asked.  
  
"To trade?" Ganondorf replied.  
  
"To trade for what?"  
  
"A stick and a stone?"  
  
"Wrong answer!" The sound of someone striking another person. Ganondorf can be heard whimpering. "Now, wipe that scribble off your hand. You are to tell the Deku Tree to give you the Spiritual Stone or he will suffer."  
  
"I can't remember all that!" Ganondorf wailed despairingly. The mean boy's voice growled at him. The sound of Ganondorf's other glove being taken off and a few more seconds. "Oh! I can read that! Okay! I'll be right back!"  
  
Ganondorf came strolling back down the path. He held his hand in front of his face for a moment then said triumphantly, "Give me the Spiritual Stone- !"  
  
"You realize I heard every bit of that conversation you had with-... well, whoever it was you were talking to," GDT said.  
  
"...Y-you did?" Ganondorf asked.  
  
"Duh."  
  
"Uh, then can you give me-?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Even if I threaten to kill you?"  
  
"Let's see what happens when you threaten me."  
  
"Give me the stone or you will suffer?"  
  
"Nope, still doesn't work."  
  
"Oh. Um..." He turned around and started back toward the path. "Um, it didn't work."  
  
"You are useless!" the mean boy's voice said.  
  
"I'm not! I can be useful! Please! I can do this!"  
  
"You had your chance. Maybe next time. Until then I cannot dawdle! I need that stone!" A small figure in green, but whose face was hidden in shadow so that GDT couldn't see who it was, stepped out from the path. It looked like a little boy. A Kokiri by the looks of the clothing, but it might not have been (hint, hint, nudge, nudge). Ganondorf cowered timidly behind him.  
  
"And you are?" GDT asked.  
  
"I do not go for the formalities," the boy said. "Give me the Spiritual Stone or you WILL suffer."  
  
"Kid, understand that I am already suffering. I create these stupid Kokiri once a year, have to take care of their whiny little asses day in and day out. I have never moved and I have more parts of me that have fallen asleep than even exist. And I have a bipolar fairy that beats me up whenever she gets slightly miffed. I doubt very much if you could make me suffer anymore than I already am," GDT said.  
  
"I beg to differ. Care to test your luck?" the boy asked.  
  
"You're not getting the Spiritual Stone," GDT told him.  
  
"Very well. We'll see if I can't make you suffer," the boy said. Out of nothing he conjured an innocent looking little girl with big shiny eyes (if you've seen the episode of Dexter's Lab with the creepy girl with the big eyes then that's it). The little girl stared at GDT for a few minutes. The boy conjured two pairs of earmuffs, one for himself and one for Ganondorf. When their ears were protected the boy snapped his fingers.  
  
Instantly the little girl started to babble innocently with a cute little lisp and everything. "Did you ever eat Goldfish? You know, the little orange cheese thingies? They're really good. I like to eat off their head and then go back and eat the tail. They're still good if you just eat them whole, though. But do you know how else you can eat them? They're really good if you put them in a bowl of Campbell's Tomato Soup!"  
  
Two hours later  
  
"And just this afternoon I went into my mommy's room and she and daddy were looking' at each other weird. And then when I asked her to play with me she gave me a basket of candy and cookies and stuff and told me to take it to my poor sick grandmother's house. At least she says Grandma's sick. But she and daddy want me to have a little brother or sister. So maybe she was just-!"  
  
Approaching dawn.  
  
"Have you ever seen a magician? I saw a magician once and he pulled a bunny out of his hat and everything. And then he said to us- you know what he said? –he said that if you believe in yourself, and with just a tiny pinch of magic, all your dreams can come true-!"  
  
"ENOUGH!!!" GDT finally shouted. "All these years I thought I had it bad. There was no way anyone could torture me. But this-! This just wasn't fair! Take the freaking Spiritual Stone! I don't want it anyway!"  
  
"I knew you would see it my way," the boy said. He snapped his fingers and the little girl disappeared. Ganondorf had since left. "Now. The Spiritual Stone." GDT shook his upper branches and a green rock started to float down. Suddenly a cucco crowed and the sun began to rise. "Shit!" the boy said and began to flee. Apparently he had a great need to not be seen. However, he failed to get away before GDT saw a pointy ear poking out of his hat.  
  
"Kokiri don't have pointy ears?" he thought as the boy disappeared. "Only Hylians-! Link!!!" In that one instant a diabolical plot for revenge formulated in the Deku Tree's mind. "Oh, Navi!" he called.  
  
The fairy floated harmlessly into the scene, in one of her good, cooperative moods, thank the goddesses. "Yes?" she asked.  
  
"You know how we had that Hylian kid brought here a few years ago?" GDT asked.  
  
"Yeah," Navi answered.  
  
"Well, it's going to sink in pretty soon that he's not a Kokiri unless we do something to maintain images," GDT said. "Which is why I've decided to assign him a fairy."  
  
"But, sir, there are no more fairies," Navi said.  
  
"Oh, dear, that's right," GDT said. "There aren't any fairies that haven't a partner yet..."  
  
"Hmmm..." they both thought, or GDT pretended to think.  
  
GDT sighed. "Navi," he said. "Although it pains me to do so, I think I must sacrifice my own partnership for the good of this child. And the thing of it is, last night a desert man in black armor came and put a curse on me, so I shall die soon anyway..."  
  
"You mean, you're going to break your own partnership with me because you're gonna die anyway and then I'm going to be the Hylian kid's fairy?" Navi summarized.  
  
"I'm afraid so..."  
  
"...Okay. If you say so," Navi said and started to fly off.  
  
GDT thought of something. "Navi," he stopped her. "I want you to bring him to me before anything else." She bobbed a bit and then flew off to get Link. As soon as she was out of earshot, GDT snickered slightly. Then he chuckled. Then he started laughing maniacally. "As if sticking him with Navi wasn't bad enough, I think I've come up with something even better! He can go inside me! I think Gohma, the source of my life force, can do him in! While torturing is so satisfying, death is just so much less messy. And if I play my cards right, Navi might die too! Ha ha haha ha!"  
  
~*`'*~  
  
This is to be continued. By the way, I am not sick anymore. I started this second installment when I was sick, but that was a week or two ago. And if you are disappointed that this took so long, which I doubt because no one has reviewed, 'cept for Silver. (Hiyee!) then I'm sorry, but it probably will be a little while longer still for the next part to come up when GDT will try to exact his revenge on the small person in green with the pointy ears. Please review! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease! Or else face the wrath of either the birds, socks, cows, or monkeys. I've given the Brownies time off from exacting revenge until March because they're on another super special other mission: selling cookies!!!!! The best part of being a Girl Scout!  
  
Tingle: Ooooh! I want cookies!  
  
o_O???  
  
Goddesses: o_O???  
  
How the hell do you keep getting in here?  
  
Tingle: Super special fairy magic!  
  
o_o;  
  
Goddesses: o_o; You will leave now.  
  
Tingle: I think not.  
  
I think that as long as I am doing this from my laptop in my bedroom you need to leave when I say so.  
  
Tingle: Your bedroom? *looks around* So that's why there's a bed!  
  
Duh!  
  
Tingle: Aw! You're not in your PJs!  
  
What are you getting at?  
  
Tingle: The least you could do when you're in your bedroom is wear your PJs!  
  
O_O I don't think my boyfriend would like any dudes seeing me in my PJs.  
  
Din: If you really want to classify Tingle as a dude.  
  
Goddesses: Hahahahahahah!  
  
Tingle: . I am so a dude! I think I deserve the right to see a girl in her PJs as long as I'm in her room no matter who her boyfriend is!  
  
*enter Selphie's boyfriend*  
  
Tingle: O_o? Huh?  
  
Din: O_o? What?  
  
Nayru: O_o? The heck?  
  
Farore: Darunia?!  
  
^-^  
  
Darunia: Yip! So the little green dude needs to leave!  
  
Tingle: ...Tingle Tingle Kooloo Limpah! *disappears in cloud of confetti*  
  
Okey! Time to go, Darunia!  
  
Darunia: ^-^  
  
*skip off together into the sunset*  
  
Goddesses: o_o;;;;  
  
Din: Okay, since she forgot to before she left with her... boyfriend *shudder* quick reminder.  
  
Nayru: Selphie does not own anything from Zelda. She does not own Ed, Edd, and/or Eddy.  
  
Farore: And she doesn't own the creepy little girl from Dexter's Lab or the short quote she took from Spongebob (if you can't figure out which one it is, then that's okay).  
  
Goddesses: Until next time! 


	3. Opening Scene Part 1

Hullos! Is me, Selphie, again. I know I said I probably wouldn't update for a while, but, kudos to all, we had a snow day!!!!! Squeefullness!!!!! ^-^  
  
Din: For those of you-  
  
Nayru: unfortunate enough to-  
  
Farore: have never had a snow day.  
  
Then ha-ha! In your face! Cuz there'll probably be another tomorrow! 8-P  
  
Darunia: *shivering* Gorons don't do particularly well in cold weather.  
  
Aw, poor Darunia! *cuddles him*  
  
Darunia: ^-^  
  
Goddesses: o_o; *shudder*  
  
Stuff... Anyway, yeah, because it's a snow day I've got this thing for you so, uh, yeah, read on!  
  
Darunia: I get to do the disclaimer!  
  
Take it, Sweetie!  
  
Goddesses: o_o;  
  
Darunia: Selphie doesn't own anything from Zelda; it's all Nintendo's. The only thing from Zelda that she does own is my heart.  
  
Random people: Awww!  
  
Goddesses: Awww! That IS sweet!  
  
Awww! *gives Darunia big hug* Okay, well on with the fic!  
  
~*`'*~  
  
Link was sleeping in his tree house. He was tossing and turning slightly too. Upon examination of his subconscious, we see his dream.  
  
There is a pretty field with lots of flowers. Link is frolicking among the blossoms. Various cute little animals soon join him, including bunnies, teddy bears, piglets, squirrels, mice, puppies, kitties, etc. At this point they all begin to frolic together. Then a pretty white pony with flowers and ribbons in her hair trots up. All the animals are pleased to see her and Link smiles happily when he sees her. "Pretty Pony!" he exclaims happily and runs over to pet her. The other animals gather around and jump up and down happily.  
  
"Poppies... Poppies..." Link and the other animals fall sound asleep as they inhale the fragrant perfume of the poppies.  
  
Suddenly the sky goes dark and a faint ominous music can be heard in the background. The familiar dadoo dadoo dadoo doo, dadoo dadoo dadoo doo, dadoo dadoo dadoo doo DOOOO from the Wizard of Oz can be heard. A great black mass appears in the sky to the distance. Link and the animals awake to see the army of flying monkeys begin their flight toward them. "Run!" Link beseeches his animal friends. They stand their ground and prepare to defend their human friend. Touched though he is by their kindness, Link does not want them to get hurt.  
  
Finally, the monkey-bird crossbreeds are upon them. The cute little animals fight valiantly, though cute little animals they are. Obviously they get their asses kicked with a background of WWW's cackling. The nail in the coffin, however, came when Pretty Pony fell down, dead. "NOOOO!!!" Link cried out. "PRETTY PONY!!!"  
  
The last two words he screamed in reality, right into the ear of none other than Navi, who had just moved forward to try to shake him awake. Understandable though talking in one's sleep is, it was enough to set our fairy- for all intents and purposes- friend off on a mad rampage. "GRAAAAA!!!!" she screamed. The children of the forest heard that one word and pandemonium took over, Kokiri Forest tossed into bedlam. The Kokiri ran about screaming their heads off and dove into their homes.  
  
Back in his tree house, Link was certainly awake now. It's hard to stay sleeping through one of Navi's rampages. Fortunately, he managed to hide under his mattress for protection so all Navi did was tear apart his one room. When finally her rage was vented she flew innocuously over to Link's bed and under the mattress with him. "Hey!" she greeted.  
  
"I foresee much trouble with that expression," Link thought to himself. "Hi, Navi," he said aloud. "Glad to see you," he added to make sure she remained happy. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Well, the Great Deku Tree decided you've been fairy-less for long enough and that he should stop being selfish and give you his fairy, so here I am! Your new fairy partner!" Navi told him.  
  
"Oh, uh, that's great! I always wanted YOU to be my fairy partner," Link said, still trying to keep her happy.  
  
"Why, thank you, Link! Now we must be going. The Great Deku Tree wants to speak to you," Navi said. So they left the tree house and stepped out onto the balcony.  
  
It was now that Saria took her cue to run up. "Yahoo!" she yelled. "Hey, Link!"  
  
Link knew the drill. It was Saria's turn to find out if Navi was done rampaging. "Hi, Saria!" he called back. Saria looked relieved. "Hey" would have meant to go back to her tree house, but "hi" means all is well. Link climbed down the ladder, Navi floating behind him. "Uh, guess what?" he said.  
  
"What's that?" Saria asked.  
  
"Hey! Guess who just got a Kokiri partner," Navi said.  
  
"You?" Saria replied.  
  
"And guess who just got a fairy partner," Link said sulkily.  
  
"You?!" Saria said wide-eyed.  
  
"Yip," Link answered, now trying to sound cheerful.  
  
"Oh, Link, that's terr-!" Saria started to say apologetically, but then saw Navi watching her. "Ific!" Saria finished. She was going to say ible, but that would have set Navi off again. "That's terrific, wonderful, stupendous!"  
  
"Don't rub it in," Link muttered. "Yeah, and we have to go to the Great Deku Tree too."  
  
"Good for you," Saria said. "You go do that. I'll, uh, I'll just be waiting... right here," she said backing away a little. All of the Kokiri had since come out of their tree houses, hearing the signal that it was safe, except the poor little girl over the shop, who had never moved at all. Mido had gone over to the Great Deku Tree's path. Link went over in that direction too.  
  
When he ran into Mido, the big boss of the Kokiri said, "If you want to go down here, you need a sword and shield." He crossed his arms and looked away importantly.  
  
Obviously he hadn't noticed Navi. Link grinned impishly. "But me and Navi, MY NEW FAIRY PARTNER, really need to get by and see the Great Deku Tree."  
  
"Navi?!" Mido exclaimed suddenly, turning his head so fast that they could hear it crack. When he saw the fairy he glared at Link and said, "If it's that important I suppose you can go on ahead." He moved aside. Link smirked at him as he and Navi went on by.  
  
However, several yards down the path he found the deku babas. Without a sword or shield or any practical knowledge of defense, he kind of, well, got beat up. He ran back out, badly injured and fell to the ground in front of Mido, who looked down at him haughtily. "Hehe, maybe a sword and shield wouldn't hurt," Link said.  
  
"Aheheh," Mido sneered and shooed him off.  
  
So Link went and got his sword (that part was real). Then he went over to the store to get his Deku shield. He walked up to the counter where the little shrimpy dude was. "Can I help you?" the shopkeeper asked.  
  
"I need a deku shield," Link answered, pointing to the wooden shield.  
  
"Forty rupees," the shopkeeper said.  
  
"But I don't have forty rupees. I only have thirty," Link said.  
  
"Sorry," the shopkeeper said.  
  
"I really need the shield! If I don't get this shield then I can't get to the Great Deku Tree to talk to him!"  
  
"Not my problem."  
  
It was then that Navi took matters into her own hands. She may have been innocent and benign when she wasn't rampaging, but she was aware that she did go rampaging sometimes. She flew up to the shopkeeper. "Hello," she said saccharinely.  
  
The shopkeeper's eyes went wide with horror. "N-Navi?" he stuttered. "W- what are you doing here?"  
  
"Oh, didn't you hear?" she asked in that same tone. "I'm Link's new fairy partner." She gave him a sarcastic grin.  
  
The shopkeeper continued staring. "I just remembered," he said finally. "I forgot to give you a birthday present, Link," turning to Link. "I'll just give you the shield to make up for it." He turned around and took the shield off the shelf and handed it to Link. Navi gazed on arrogantly.  
  
"Thank you," she said as she and Link left the store. When they were out of earshot, the shopkeeper slumped down against the back wall and let out a sigh of relief.  
  
Link and Navi headed over to Mido. "Didn't I tell you that you need a sword and shield?" Mido asked.  
  
"And what do you call these?" Link asked, showing Mido his new equipment.  
  
"Oh, okay, well, I guess you can go ahead," Mido said, moving out of the way. So Link and Navi went ahead in and met GDT again, who was still laughing maniacally.  
  
"Uh, Great Deku Tree, sir?" Navi asked uncertainly when they found him in this state.  
  
He "jumped" and looked about until he saw the two. "Oh, uh, hello, Navi, Link," he greeted.  
  
~*`'*~  
  
Yeah, this one was a bit shorter than the other ones. And in case you haven't guessed, it's also to be continued. I wanted to update ASAP and I'm not certain as to whether or not we'll be out of school again tomorrow, so I can't stay up too-too late. *is watching news for school closings, constantly misses Charles County*  
  
Din: You know, we could probably-  
  
Nayru: Pull a few strings for you-  
  
Farore: If you know what we mean.  
  
I could do something about it myself if I wanted to. All I have to do is take out all the big snowplowed piles in front of the schools and we'll have another day off. -Hey! Why didn't I just do that?! *closes eyes, goes into deep concentration*  
  
*At the middle school less than a mile away an "invisible shovel" chips away at the base of the big snowplow pile and it all falls down into the parking lot*  
  
Random Janitor: Oh, shit... -_-  
  
*At public schools around the county, same thing happens*  
  
Random Janitors: Oh, shit... -_-  
  
^_^ Yeah! Telekinesis rocks! By the way, I'm pretty sure you couldn't affect my world, guys. And I'm already starting to feel better. (I've had a cold for the past few days, so I was fairly certain I would have the day off today).  
  
Din: Which is exactly what we could fix.  
  
Nayru: We can make sure you're feeling sick tomorrow as well.  
  
Farore: And then you wouldn't have had a problem anymore.  
  
...Oooh! I get it! Explanation, peoples. Ever since at least sixth grade, whenever we had a snow day, I was sick. In fact, last year I was so sick I could barely get out of bed and we had school off all week (except that Friday was a 2 hour delay for some odd reason...?) Yeah, and about a month after that I caught a cold and there was a very slight chance of snow, like 10%, and I went around telling my friends that we were gonna get the snow cuz I was sick and then we did and they all called and e-mailed me saying they hoped I got better. I felt special ^-^. Yeah, stuff.  
  
Din: You babble a lot.  
  
^_^; Yeah, well, um, just keep swimming.  
  
Din: o_O?  
  
^_^; Heh, Dory is cool. But the unnamed little green fish dude is the best! (Anchor's friend!)  
  
Darunia: Uh, Selphie? *points to news*  
  
*reads aloud* Maryland- Charles County Public Schools- *gasp* YES!!! WOOHOO!!!  
  
Nayru: What? What is it?  
  
Charles County Public Schools: CLOSED!! HELL, YEAH, BABY!!!! *starts dancing around the room with Darunia*  
  
Darunia: Yay! Another day with Selphie!  
  
Selphie's sister: *comes downstairs* Who are you talking-? *sees Darunia, Goddesses, and Tingle* Uh, I'm telling mom-  
  
Kitchen knives.  
  
Selphie's sister: O_O!!! Eep! *runs back upstairs*  
  
Farore: What was that about?  
  
My mom had a nightmare a little bit ago where I stabbed my sister with a kitchen knife and killed her. And I don't suppose it helped that I laughed a bit maniacally when my mom told us. ^_^;  
  
Darunia: Wait a sec... it says right up here that your sister saw Tingle?  
  
Huh?  
  
Din: What're-  
  
Nayru: You-  
  
Farore: Talking-  
  
Tingle: About?  
  
All but Tingle: o_O???  
  
Tingle: Hehe. Hi, guys. ^_^;  
  
Eep! I am in my PJs this time!  
  
Darunia: You are?  
  
Aheehee ^_^; *goes to bedroom and changes into sweatpants* Yeah, jammies are comfortable. I kind of forgotted.  
  
Tingle: No complaints.  
  
O_O!!! The Hell! You are so going to pay for that! Heather!!! *gets on AIM*  
  
(on AIM) Me: heather!  
  
Heather: yuppers?  
  
Me: i need the flying monkeys!  
  
(not on AIM) Tingle: O_O!!! She wouldn't really, would she?!  
  
(on AIM) Heather: tingle finally push his luck too far?  
  
Me: hell yeah!  
  
Heather: ok, go ahead  
  
Me: tankies! *signs off*  
  
Okay, flying monkeys. ATTACK!!!  
  
Tingle: EEEP!!!  
  
*dadoo dadoo dadoo doo, dadoo dadoo dadoo doo, dadoo dadoo dadoo doo DOOOO* *flying monkeys appear in the distance*  
  
*WWW laugh* Fly my pretties! Fly! *WWW laugh*  
  
Tingle: AAAAAHHH!!!! *runs off screaming* *both Tingle and the flying monkeys disappear*  
  
To find out what happens, read the author's note at the end of the next chapter. I'd finish it all tonight, but Inuyasha's on and I don't want to miss it. And afterward I'm going to bed probably. So, yeah, stuff.  
  
Darunia: I leave now. G'night.  
  
Nuh-nights. *gives Darunia big hug*  
  
Random people: Awww!  
  
Din: For being such a weird couple, they're still kind of cute together.  
  
^-^ Till tomorrow, everyone! 


End file.
